What to do when the ship hits the flan

Paul McGee, author of “SUMO (Shut Up Move On)” shares five tips for recovery when you feel like giving up

 

Setbacks can leave us feeling winded, disoriented and ready to throw in the towel. Whether it’s a professional disappointment or simply the crushing weight of too many small knocks adding up, the instinct to give up is powerful. Yet it is often in these moments that resilience is forged and perspective gained. Recovery is rarely straightforward, but there are practical steps that can help you navigate the chaos and find a way forward.

 

 

Steadying the ship

Below are five principles that can steady the ship when life feels like it has capsized:

 

1) Grieving is good – for a time

Appearing fine to the outside world when deep inside you’re feeling pain and brokenness is not a winning formula. We can’t always simply ‘get over it’. Sometimes we need a period of mourning, grieving and reflecting. These emotions are valid and not a sign of weakness. Sometimes we need to express our pain, not suppress it.

 

Remember, grieving is good, but it’s not forever. It’s part of your journey; it’s not your destination. To wallow is not a weakness, but neither is it a way of life.

 

2) It ain’t what you see; it’s the way that you see it

Ever noticed how two people can have the same experience, the same setback – and yet react completely differently? A stumbling block to one person is a stepping stone for someone else. Why’s that? The truth is, it’s all about perspective; it’s never just about the event, but the meaning you attach to it that determines how you respond. 

 

How you’re feeling influences what you’re seeing. If you’re feeling victimised and unloved, then the world doesn’t seem a great place. But if you’re feeling empowered, loved and positive, then the world looks wonderful.

 

But the world didn’t change. Your perspective did. The danger is that we allow our feelings to hijack our rational perspective and hold us hostage indefinitely. 

 

But here’s an important truth: feelings are not facts. Emotions such as anger, fear, or rejection are normal, but they don’t define you or your situation by themselves. So to regain a clearer perspective on your situation, ask yourself:

• Where is this issue on a scale of 1-10 (where 10 = death)?
• How important will this be in 6 months?

3) Park the pride

Believing you can recover from your setbacks completely unaided is noble; but it’s also nonsense. You need the inner drive and determination to recover, but it’s not necessary to do so without the help of others. The Beatles were right: “You’ll get by with a little help from your friends.” So be humble enough to ask for help and find those friends.

 

4) Learn the lessons

Life may have dealt you a blow, but it may also have taught you an invaluable lesson. That’s if you’re prepared to look for it. But when you fail to look for the lesson, you’re more likely to repeat the same mistake. Some great questions to ask yourself would include: 

• What has this experience taught me about me?
• What has it taught me about other people?
• If I were to face a similar event or experience in the future, what would I do differently? 

Remember, experience is not always a great teacher. It’s only a great teacher when we choose to learn from it.

 

5) Molehills matter

Some problems leave you thinking that you’ve got a mountain to climb. So how are you going to climb it? Well, here’s some unusual advice. Forget the mountain. It’s too large and probably looks too difficult to climb. Start with molehills. They’re small. They’re achievable. Climb enough and you’re ready to try hill climbing. And when you’ve had the momentum to climb hills, then you’ve got the belief and inspiration to climb mountains.

 

So, in terms of recovering from a setback, never discount the importance and significance of a small step in the right direction. Your actions, no matter how small, add up. They create momentum. It might only be a small victory – but it’s still a victory. And with victory comes hope. And that’s why molehills matter.

 

 

When life unravels...

When life unravels, it’s easy to believe you’re finished. But grieving, shifting perspective, asking for help, learning lessons and taking small steps all prove otherwise. Recovery is rarely about one dramatic leap forward. It’s about gathering strength, insight and momentum one moment at a time until the mountain no longer feels impossible.

 

You may not choose the storm, but you can choose how you emerge from it. 

 

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Paul McGee is the author of SUMO (Shut Up, Move On): The Straight-Talking Guide to Succeeding in Life (20th anniversary edition)

 

Main image courtesy of iStockPhoto.com and BrianAJackson